


The End of All Things

by 2000pancakes



Series: The Last of the Real Ones [2]
Category: Star Wars
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Do they deserve love, F/M, Grey Jedi, Or do they deserve PAIN, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Poetry, Rey is a traitor and possibly a sinner, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo angst, SPOILERS for TLJ, Some Fluff, Star Wars - Freeform, TS Eliot, The grey jedi code, Why Did I Write This?, hope if you take anything away from this fic its a kick ass playlist, im a bad writer, im very bad with star wars lore so I apologize in advance, imagine dragons, just warning you, read to find out, sequel to previous work, songs for inspiration, why am i writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 09:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2000pancakes/pseuds/2000pancakes
Summary: (Summary of previous story's events)Kylo Ren admitted his love for Rey, eventually. Rey decided to use this to her advantage and led Kylo into a trap where she intended to kill him. She had intended to kill him... but found that she could not. But she did manage to, for the most part, break the force connection between them. There was only a slither left, not enough to hurt Rey as it used to.Rey is now on a path to find a way to defeat Kylo, to find that crucial balance between the light and the dark that didn't involve her joining forces with a monster.Kylo is looking for Rey, who has hidden herself far from the reach of his mind. The war against the resistance has become ruthless, but they keep biting back. A bug that won't be squashed. Kylo pushes his feelings for Rey into the darkest parts of his heart and leaves only anger and chaos in its place."Whether near or far,I am always yours."





	1. The Time for Being Sad is Over

_"I was drunk and it didn't mean a thing,_  
_Stop thinking about, the bullets from my mouth._  
_I love the things you hate about yourself,_  
_Just finished a daydream, who were you trying to be?"_  
  


Rey sat at the edge of the cliff, legs crossed, eyes closed. She was reaching out, searching.

The sound of the sea was gentle to her ears, the smell of the salt was a comfort. Like an old friend. She could feel the heart of the planet she was on. Once again, she found the force. The balance. But this time she was looking for something before, what lay between life and death, light and dark... there was something there. She could feel it. The murmur in the shadow. The edge of the word. The silence before the storm. 

_The order in the chaos._

Where has she heard those words before? 

_The peace in the serenity._  


They felt so familiar...

_The emotion in the passion._  


Old words from an old book perhaps. Luke had burnt all of the books... she had to remember... what had she read?

_There is no good without evil._  


These words... they came from somewhere... they spoke deeply to her, awakened something in her.

_There is no Dark Side, nor a Light Side._  


Somewhere in the ancient history of the Jedi there existed something else...

_I am the wielder of the flame, the protector of the balance._  


Rey found that she was standing now, the waters raging down below her.

_The balance is what keeps me together, the balance is what will tear me apart._  


She felt the urge to jump, to plunge into the depths. She felt that she would find her answers there. She felt that however far she fell, that she would be safe.

_I am a Grey Jedi._  


As those words crossed her thoughts, she fell. She had been pushed off the edge like feather.

  


  


Kylo sat in his chambers. He felt her. Faintly and so very far away.

_Where are you?_  


There was no response. She couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear her. He could only feel her, know that she was alive. But now it was different. When he thought of her, he felt pain, betrayal, anger. The same things he had felt when he had seen Luke standing above him with the lightsaber. Once upon  a time, he had thought that the Jedi was a noble order. One that stood for honor, for trust. He had been wrong. The Jedi, they cared for no one. They were cold, even if the cold was in the light. 

Again, he reached out to Rey.  _Can you hear me?_

He felt something. Something barely perceptible... not a response, a feeling. Something new.

Was it the force? No, this went beyond that.

He heard her voice in his head.

_The order in the chaos._

_The peace in the serenity._

_The emotion in the passion._

_There is no good without evil._

_There is no Dark Side, nor a Light Side._

_I am the wielder of the flame, the protector of the balance._

_The balance is what keeps me together, the balance is what will tear me apart._

_I am a Grey Jedi._

_  
_

And then there came the dreadful, deafening sound of silence.


	2. When the Light Begins to Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the water, Rey finds her answers. Kylo Ren takes one of Rey's friends as hostage, as bait.

_"The clock just makes the colors turn to grey."_

 

Under the water, it was stronger. She found it, the place. The feeling. The balance. Between the light and the dark, the grey.

 _Between the idea_  
And the reality  
Between the motion  
And the act  
Falls the Shadow

_Falls the grey._

_Between the potency_  
And the existence  
Between the essence  
And the descent  
Falls the Shadow

_Falls the balance._

Rey found that she could breathe in the water, she didn't feel like she was underwater. She felt like she was in the air, above the planet, touching the sky.

She opened her eyes.

Before her she saw the generations of Jedi, all hiding the truth. All hiding their savior. The grey. For centuries, they denied that they were balance. The Jedi believed that only the light could lead the way.

But there could never be light without dark.

This was the reason.

This was why the Jedi had to end.

Luke was right.

The Jedi had to end, the Sith had to end, all that could be left was the Grey. The balance. The answer. But still, she didn't understand.

"How could I become one? How can I become the balance."

_It is within your, turning, writhing. It begs to be released. But be careful, Rey, for there is turmoil between the Light, the Dark, the Grey._

"How will I know which one I should choose."

_If you are worthy, you will choose the Grey._

Suddenly, Rey couldn't breathe. Everything became cold. She felt the water. She was about to drown. She shot herself to the surface, gasping for air as she came up. With relief, she felt the sun on her face, and saw the world renewed before her.

Then she felt the dark, stronger than ever, reaching for her. Now, she had the strength to push it away.

 

Kylo was growing impatient. They had told him that they had the prisoner. Then why was he not here?

This always happened, when they had matters in their grasp, some idiot always slipped up and then they were behind once again. The door opened, a trooper walked in.

"Well?" Asked.

"We have the prisoner, Supreme Leader."

Kylo smiled, "you've done well this time. Now leave." The trooper turned and obeyed.

Slowly, Kylo walked forward into the next room. Kneeling, tied up on the floor, there he was.

"Hello there, traitor." 

Finn looked up into the eyes of Kylo Ren, into the eyes of the monster. Into the eyes of evil. Finn spat at his feet.

"We have a lot of work to do, but first," Kylo reached out his hand and squeezed his fist. Finn began to choke.

 

Far away, Rey cried out in fear for Finn.


	3. Wishing You're Here, but I'm Wishing You're Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voice of the Grey leads Rey to her weapon, she then leaves to find and rescue Finn.

_“I'm sorry for everything, oh, everything I've done_

_From the second that I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun_

_And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved.”_

 

Rey had come to this planet for a reason, she had come to realize. Somehow, this was the home of the Grey Jedi. This was the place of it's birth. Everything on the planet called to her, but no call was louder than the one that came from the mountain.

Rey felt a pain in her heart, an ache. Finn. Finn was in danger. _Kylo was hurting him._

But something needed to be done first, then she would be able to save him.

She scaled the mountain, ignoring the cuts that were accumulated on her hands, knees. The tried not to feel the blisters on her feet, the burn in her forehead as the sun beat down on her. The call became louder, the voice that was calling her name. 

She came to the top, as she pulled herself over the rock, she saw the cave.

She stepped into it.

Right at the back, she saw it. The ancient weapon. 

She reached for it, and it flew to her hand. She drew it, a white light shone through the cave. A white lightsaber.

She switched it off and slid it into her belt, then she turned back to leave. She was ready. 

Her journey could now begin.

 

"She won't fall for your tricks," Finn spat as Kylo entered the room, "she's too smart for you."

"She's weak, she'll come to save her friend."

"It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of bravery. You wouldn't know what that is."

Kylo looked up suddenly. "She's coming."

Finn felt a panic rush through him, "no."

Kylo smiled at him, "I think she'll be happy to see you alive."

"I don't think she'll feel the same way for you."

Kylo's expression darkened,  _Oh, you have no idea._

Hux entered the room, "enemy ship approaching, Supreme Leader."

"Let her in, we'll be waiting for her."

 

The whole thing screamed trap.

There was no retaliation, she was simply allowed to board Kylo's ship. 

She saw him waiting for her, surrounded by guards. 

She landed and left the ship, facing him. "Where is he?"

The guards raised their blasters, all pointed at her.

Kylo gestured for them to lower their weapons. "You'll see him soon, follow me."

He turned and began to walk, Rey followed.  _He didn't take the lightsaber. Why wouldn't he take it?_

Because he can't see it. For the first time, Kylo was blind. She had the upper hand. For the first time, the force was stronger with her.

"Did you hurt him?" She asked.

"You know I did."

Hatred burned in Rey's chest... this time she let it. She let it burn with a fire and an anger.  _The emotion in the passion._ This wasn't a blind hate. She hated him for hurting Finn, for hurting her friend. She hated him for knowing how much it hurt her. It would give her strength.

They came to a closed room, Rey felt the hurt that was waiting inside. 

Kylo turned to her, "I gave myself to you. I trusted you. You betrayed me.

Rey looked into his eyes. "I know. It was the only way."

"You failed. You didn't save me. You destroyed the connection between us."

"And it saved you," Rey said, "give Finn to me." 

"I didn't bring you here to pick up your friend, I brought you here so that I could kill you."

Rey closed her eyes and breathed.

_Kylo opened the doors and she saw Finn, kneeling, looking up to her. He was pleading. He was crying._

_Kylo looked to Rey, "I hope you're happy, Rey."_

_Kylo Ren headed towards Finn, and drew his lightsaber._

_"NO!" Rey cried out, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS."_

_"You're wrong, Rey." He plunged the lightsaber through Finn's chest. Rey saw the light leave his body._

Rey opened her eyes. 

"Do you want to see your friend before you die?"

Rey looked at him, she searched for Ben in his eyes... she couldn't see him. Not now.

Rey drew her lightsaber, to the shock of Kylo. "No, I don't."

They fought each other with the ferocity that they had fought the Red Guards with, with the same passion, the same symmetry. Rey threw herself into the air and kicked Kylo using the force, she watched as he was flung to the other side of the hall. Rey realized that she had stirred the attention of some guards. There wasn't much time.

She used her saber to cut through the doors. There was Finn.

"Rey!" He called out. She rushed to his side.

"Finn, I'm so sorry."

"We're trapped Rey, he's going to come back."

"Yes, he's coming back, but we're not trapped." 

Rey and Finn turned to the window behind him and three Resistance cruisers shot out of hyperspace and into view. The Millennium Falcon was with them. 

"Finn, you're going to need to trust me."

"Always, Rey." 

Rey pulled him to his feed and flung him on her back.  _I hope this works._

She threw herself at the window, hand withdrawn. The glass, thick as it was, smashed. Rey and Finn were now falling to the planet below.

And then they fell into the Falcon as it rushed to catch them. As they fell onto the metallic interior and the hatch closed she heard Chewie's happy roars from the front of the ship.

 

Kylo stood at the entrance to the room. He stared at the hole in the glass. 

_What had she become?_


	4. We are the Warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey now leads the resistance. She is still learning about the Grey Jedi and the secrets it will unfold.
> 
> Kylo finds himself fatally attracted to her newfound wisdom of the deeper nature of the force. Every moment where he can so longer see her burns.
> 
> Rey knows that she can now find the strength in her to leave Kylo Ren, to leave Ben Solo behind.
> 
> But something stops her.

_"And you, you lay_

_Awake at night and scheme_

_Of all the things that you would change_

_But it was just a dream."_

 

Finn was startled by the knock at his door, "come in."

The door opened Rey stood there, "Hello, Finn."

"Rey, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, Finn. I came to check in on you."

"It's been weeks, Rey. I'm fine."

Rey sat down beside him, silent.

"Did you come to speak to me about something else?"

Rey looked at him. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."

"You've done nothing to me Rey, the only person that did anything was that snake..."

"It was my fault Finn. I aggravated him. I..."

"You what, Rey?"

Rey had not told anyone about the island, about her betrayal. 

"I could have killed him. Once. Not too long ago."

"And?" Finn urged her to continue.

"I didn't, but I hurt him. He wants to hurt me. I can feel it."

_With Kylo, she felt his hatred. The emotion behind it. He never let it become anything else. This is where she knew he fell. Hatred had to breed from love, it had to be fed by it. Kylo had blocked out his love for her, and thus, his hatred would only make him weak._

"You can fight this. I know you can. There's something different about you, since you came back. You're stronger. I can feel it. Everyone here can feel it. You're making us stronger, Rey."

Rey smiled at him, "you're a good friend, Finn. I never want to lose you."

"You won't, Rey."

They hugged, and Rey left. 

She walked down the halls of the cruiser to her private chambers, the ones she had selected to practice, train and learn. 

None of the books that Rey had taken from the Jedi temple spoke of the Grey. She believed that any that did had long been destroyed. But still, she had a teacher in the force. Words that came from the air around her. 

She had discovered that she could question the force, find answers. This is what she now intended to do.

 

She sat cross legged on the floor and allowed her mind to clear. 

She was under the water. Completely at peace. She opened her eyes.

"What happened to the Grey Jedi?" She asked.

_Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death._

_We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,_

_But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,_

_With an alien people clutching their lies_

_I should be glad of another death._

Rey let the words sink in, she allowed to guide her thoughts.

_You have other questions, Rey._

"Yes."

_About the dark one, about Kylo Ren._

"I don't know what to do about him. I know that I can sever him away, for good. But I still feel him with me. I don't know if I want him to be taken away from me."

_What is the answer, Rey?_

"I don't know."

_You do, Rey. Search your feelings, feel the force. Feel the balance. What must be done?_

"I don't know."

_You will know. In time. Remember our words. Let them guide you. As you have so far._

The water rushed away and the air become clear again. She did not get up. She closed her eyes. She reached out, as she had before. To him.

He tried to block her out, she felt his resistance. But she was stronger now. And something had to be done.

"Ben."

He was sitting in bed, his chest was bare, his hair wet. His eyes were tired. He saw her.

"Why are you here? You broke the bond."

She looked at him. "I needed to talk to you."

"How? How are you doing this?"

"I found the answer, Ben. I found a new way in the force. The only way in the force."

Kylo looked into her eyes. Rey looked down the scar in his side. She winced.

"I am sorry, Ben."

"I know."

She looked up at him, "I'm no longer a Jedi."

Kylo snickered, "then what are you?"

"Something else."

"I can feel it too," he said, "there's a shift in the force. It feels different. I feels strange to me."

"It feels like home."

"Why are we talking?" Kylo asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I... whenever I see you. I can feel it. The hatred burning inside of me. Hatred for you. For what you did to me."

"Your hatred will no longer give you strength, Ben."

"What have you done, Rey."

Rey stood up, she looked deep into his eyes. "If you want to use it for your strength, it needs to stem from somewhere. It needs to stem from the root of your hatred. Where it began."

"I loved you, you betrayed me."

"Then you have found the root."

"You are asking me... to love you again?"

Rey turned away from him.

"Why, why would I ever do that again?"

"Because if you weren't so blind to the force, you would be able to see that it will make you stronger."

"It would tear me apart."

Rey did not face him again.

"So you think you can rebuild the resistance on this strength you've gathered," Kylo stood up, "all your plotting, all your scheming. It will only amount to the triumph of the First Order and the end of the Resistance."

"We are warriors, Ben. All of us in the resistance," she turned to him, "warriors never die. They never truly die."

And she was gone. 

When she disappeared, Kylo felt a familiar pain in his chest. He sighed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem in here is from "The Journey of the Magi" by TS Eliot. It is an outstanding poem, I highly recommend it.
> 
> Thank you to everyone!


	5. Whatever it Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds Kylo in a state of anguish. She fears that it's her fault. In the moment they're together. Rey feels the force guide her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small filler chapter.

_"Falling too fast to prepare for this_

_Tripping in the world could be dangerous_

_Everybody circling is vulturous_

_Negative, nepotist..._

 

_...Break me down and build me up_

_Whatever it takes."_

 

"You're in pain." 

Ben looked up at her. He was kneeling on the floor, "you came."

"You called for me."

"Why did you come."

"Last time, I asked for the impossible of you."

"I can't hate you, Rey. I hated the Jedi. I hated Luke. You're no longer a mirror of him. Of what he stood for. I don't know what you are."

Rey knelt next to him, she put a hand behind his neck, she looked straight into his eyes. He was broken. He had always been broken, but he had rarely let it show so fiercely. 

"I didn't ask you to hate me, Ben."

Rey felt their lips meet, she felt his hands in her hair. She felt their bodies crash together.

Waves on the shore.

He tasted like salt, like the smell of a campfire... like the edge of a cliff on an island.

He felt like sparks from a flame, his movements were strong and controlled, but vulnerable. Rey held him to her. There was the resemblance of the memory of the last time they did this. But this time, Rey allowed herself to feel him, she did not fret this time.

This time, she didn't plan on ending him.

She wanted to renew him.

The endless space between them did not matter in this moment. Nothing mattered. All that mattered was Ben. Ben holding her. Ben kissing her. Ben letting himself fall into her.

She didn't want this to end.

But she knew that soon it had to.

 


	6. If You Love Me Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ground battle rages on the planet of Hoth, where the resistance has been using an old rebel base.
> 
> Kylo Ren and Rey face off in the snow, once again, they have to part with broken hearts.

_"The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues_

_Conspire against the odds_

_But they haven't seen the best of us yet."_

 

"First Order troops are approaching, Rey," Finn said.

"We're ready. I can feel it. Get to Poe, promise you'll stay together."

"You don't have to worry about me, just watch your back."

Rey's head suddenly snapped to the entrance, across the snowy wasteland she saw the troops approaching...and then... further to the side, she felt him. She had to go to him. Rose passed her, she grabbed her shoulder, "make sure everyone's ready when the time comes, Rose."

Rose stared at her, "you're not going to be here?"

"I'm not leaving... I just have unfinished business."

Rose nodded, "may the force be with you."

"And may it be with you, Rose."

 

She left the base and walked off into the snow. The cold bit at her joints, the wind slapped her face with every gust, but she did not let it slow her down. She could feel the force around her as she neared him, protecting her. Feeding her its strength.

_Redeem the time, redeem the dream  
_ _The token of the word unheard, unspoken_

_Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew_

_After this our exile_

 

She saw him, finally. His black clothes stood out against the white. She drew her lightsaber, he drew his in response.

There was no time for words. 

_Footfalls echo in the memory_

In the distance, away from them, Rey heard the battle start. "There is no hope for your resistance, Rey." Kylo said, lunging at her again.

Rey, blocked and used her Saber to force him away, he skid across the snow.

_Down the passage which we did not take_

"We belong together, Rey. We cannot keep fighting like this!"

Rey ran towards him, jumping at the last moment. They were fighting with such viciousness, wild beasts. Birds of prey.

_Towards the door we never opened_

"The force has given you strength, I can feel it. I can draw from it. We're never going to find peace like this."

_Into the grey garden. My words echo_

Rey tried to block the pain of her soldiers. The symphony of battle carried across the snow. In her mind she searched for Finn, for Poe, for Rose, for Leia... there were safe. "No, we won't, Ben. But I cannot submit to you. It is not the will of the force."

_You cannot fix what is not broken._

They were a foot apart now, staring into each others eyes.

_So break him._

_"But he is broken. I can feel it."_

_So show him how much more broken he can be._

This was no longer Rey's fight. A foreign force had taken over her hands, her body. With a final lunge, with a final swing, Rey slashed the saber at Kylo's right hand. He cried out has it fell from his arm. Rey used the surge of weakness and pushed him to the ground with the force.

He lay in the snow in shock, a fire burning in his eyes.

"This isn't over." Rey said. Then she left and ran towards the battle field.

 

The burn in Kylo's chest and arm strengthened, pinning him the ground. He could not call upon the force to help him, it was as if the source of his pains came from it. 

His world became blackness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In here the first poem is from the fourth verse of TS Eliot's Ash-Wednesday, the second poem is from the first verse of Burnt Norton, also TS Eliot. This whole fanfic is just a ploy to get more people to read TS Eliot you caught me.


	7. I Wish I Could Believe You'd Never Wrong Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo recovers from his wounds and orders more scattered attacks on the various resistance bases springing up around the galaxy.
> 
> Rey comes to terms with what she is doing to Kylo, and decides whether she can live through it.

_"I don't want to be afraid_

_The deeper that I go_

_It takes my breath away_

_Soft hearts, electric souls."_

 

"Supreme Leader."

"Come in, Hux."

Hux walked into Kylo's chambers, he was sitting facing the window. He did not turn around.

"We've discovered more resistance bases across the galaxy. They're springing up everywhere."

"And what are you going to do it about it, general?"

Hux swallowed, "I suggest we organize thorough attacks on the main resistance hubs before dealing with the smaller threats."

"I thought the resistance as a whole was a small threat to you."

"Yes, but after the battle at Hoth..."

"You mean after your failure at Hoth."

Kylo's finger twitched, Hux thought he felt a twinge in his neck.

"We're doing all we can, Supreme Leader."

"Take out the smaller bases, burn down the cities, the villages that are harboring them. The galaxy needs to know that if they side with the resistance, it can only mean their death."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

Hux left and Kylo was, once again, alone.

He examined his new hand. The synthetic technology was amazing, he admitted. He could still touch with it, he could still use the force with it. 

But the act of losing it had struck him down.

He had seen the coldness in Rey's eyes as she did it. The grey, as she called it. She was stronger than him now. Kylo didn't even know if she still needed him as much as he needed her. 

 

The resistance was still celebrating their victory on Hoth.

There was a renewed spirit to them, a feeling of hope spread around the base.

Rey wanted to join them in their happiness, but she was still suffering.

She kept on hurting him, Kylo Ren. But he kept coming back. Even now, she could hear him. He still needed her. She wanted to need him. She refused to let him go. 

What the force had been suggesting to her... it was torture. She had to break him down, crush his spirit to dust... and then he could be reborn into the grey.

Not the light. Rey knew that Kylo would never join the light side, but the grey... the grey had hope for him.

Which meant that Rey still had hope for him. But the means... she hated. She truly was breaking him. Again, and again. Even when she came to him through the force. Every interaction between them seemed to take something away from his soul.

Suddenly, she stood up.

A disturbance.

Death, killing. 

Not at the base, somewhere else. Far away, in many different places.

She realized what was happening.

While the resistance here was celebrating, the hundreds of smaller groups were being attacked and their people were being slaughtered. Rey did not block out the screams and cries and pain that came to her. She listened. Through the force, she watched.

She needed to see what havoc Kylo was wreaking, she needed to feel the pain that he was causing. She needed to realize how much of a monster he still was to everyone else.

She couldn't stop. She had to carry on, she had to do whatever it took to kill Kylo Ren...

So that Ben Solo could survive.

 


	8. There's Nothing Left to Say Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order has tracked Rey and the Resistance leaders to the barren planet of Zaddja. Kylo Ren is not with them when they attack.
> 
> Rey makes a choice about her fate.

_"The shadows on my wall don't sleep_

_They keep calling me_

_Beckoning.._ _."_

 

Rey found Poe searching for BB-8 in the bowels of the ship. She sighed in relief before yelling out, "Dameron! We're under attack you need to leave, now!"

"I can't find BB-8," Poe called back.

"Finn has him, let's go!"

Poe followed Rey as they ran through the winding passages of the underground base. They heard a distant explosion.

"That doesn't sound good," Poe remarked as Rey tried to sense where the damage was.

"They've infiltrated the West Wing, the Falcon's not far from it. We need to get to the others."

Rey drew her lightsaber and went ahead of Poe. She waited at a corner where she knew storm-troopers would be coming through.

"Rey."

"This is not a good time, Ben."

He kept silent as he watched her fight off the soldiers as they came past. He knew that there would be too many soon, even for Rey.

"Poe! Get to the Falcon, there's a passageway to the right. I'll fight them off!"

"Rey, I'm not leaving you."

Rey turned to him, "I don't want to have to tell Finn you're dead because of me, go!"

She had struck a chord in Poe, he gave her a last pleading look before heading down the passage Rey had shown him.

She closed her eyes while she fought and called out to Leia,  _"when Poe gets there, leave me here. I have a way."_

Leia never questioned Rey, but she did feel doubt in her mind when she heard this. But she did agree.

Eventually Rey dropped her lightsaber and held up her hands in surrender.

"Take the lightsaber," one of them said. The saber was snatched from the floor.

"The supreme leader wants her alive, get her on the ship."

As Rey was being dragged off, she watched Kylo disappear behind her. 

They would be seeing each other soon.

 

Rey watched the Falcon go into Hyperspace as she was thrown out of the base and felt a wave of relief, along with the worry and hurt of leaving her friends.

 


	9. What's Become of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is back in the interrogation chamber, back where it all began.

_"I've got this place_

_That I've filled with empty space_

_Oh I'm trying not to face what I've done"_

 

Their eyes met. Rey could feel the air between them, suffocating her. His face was darkened, tired, broken. The sense of finality in this meeting terrified Rey. It sent sprouts of fear rushing through her, rushing through the force. She could feel it in him too. Here they both were. Ready to end this.

"Do you know why I'm here?" She asked.

"You will fail, Rey."

"We'll see."

She closed her eyes, Kylo reached his arm out, fingers outstretched, ready to fight back.

His mind was cold and deep. Tormented. Rey probed, tried to speak to him through their connection. He remained deathly silent.

_Ben, I know you're in there._

_Get out of my head._

Abandoned hallways, empty places, decaying faces. This was the mind of Kylo Ren. Suddenly, she felt herself falling from it. He was fighting her. She strained against him, struggling for her grip on him.

_At the first turning of the stair_

_I turned and saw below_

_The same shape twisted on the Bannister_

_Under the vapor in the fetid air_

_Struggling with the devil of the stairs who wears_

_The deceitful face of hope and despair_

"You're not strong enough." She pushed into his mind, searching for his fears. Searching for his weaknesses. 

Rey realized what she seems to him now. She can see the image of herself in his mind.

The monster whose sole mission was to tear him down in the most terrible way possible.

What was she looking for?

The doors wouldn't open. The spaces become smaller, colder. 

She needed to go deeper.

"What are you afraid of, Kylo Ren?" She asked as she wandered. "You're afraid of being alone, of being betrayed again and again and again."

Before her flashed images of his father, leaving him. Luke at the academy, standing over him with the lightsaber. Herself at the cliff, embracing him as the lightsaber in her hand shot through his side.

"You're afraid of false hope, of becoming weak."

_"Get out."_

She had found it.

"You are weak, Kylo Ren. The end of the dark side, the end of the light side is nigh."

_"Get. Out."_

"They were never there, Kylo. They were illusions. Structures that had been put in place to make sense of it all. There is no use for it now."

He didn't answer, but Rey could feel the heat of his thoughts in his mind.

"The only truth in the force is the Grey, Kylo. The balance."

She reached a wall in his mind. Large, dark, menacing. A great barrier.

"But, the Grey has no place for you, Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is a remnant of the dark side. Luke was a remnant of the light side. Both have to be destroyed for the balance to be restored."

She reach out a hand towards the wall, all around her, his mind began to shatter. It was painful for them. The crashing of his spirit, of his mind and Rey right in the middle of it.

"It's the only way to save you, Ben Solo."

She touched the wall.

And the light rushed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem is extracted from TS Eliot's third verse of 'Ash-Wednesday'.


	10. I Want to Hide the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where the roads dip and where the roads rise  
> Seek only there  
> Where the Grey light meets the green air  
> The hermit's chapel, the pilgrim's prayer."  
> Usk, from Landscapes by TS Eliot

_"They say it's what you make_

_I say it's up to fate_

_It's woven in my soul_

_I need to let you go._

_Your eyes, they shine so bright  
_

_I wanna save that light  
_

_I can't escape this now  
_

_Unless you show me how."_

 

The force at which Rey had left Kylo's mind shattered her restraints and left her lying, frail, on the floor.

She felt as if she had awoken from a dream, a terribly long, soul draining dream. Then she remembered.

"Ben!"

He was lying on the floor too but his eyes were open, they were looking at her.

Rey pushed herself towards him, "Ben..."

"Rey," he replied.

Suddenly the gravity of what Rey had just done occurred to her. She had just killed Kylo Ren. She had killed him a dreadful, dreadful way. She had felt him die, as the wall had burst. She had taken the cancerous part of Ben's soul and it ripped it out of him.

Kylo Ren had loved Rey. However much he hated her, however much he wanted her to be destroyed, he had loved her.

And now she had betrayed and killed him.

Ben reached out for Rey but she pushed herself back. "I'm so sorry."

She had found the balance. But she had lost something else. She could feel something different inside her. It wasn't darkness, it was a shade of the Grey. The one on the edge of the Dark side. 

She had gone so far from where she had begun to do this. And now it was done.

She stood up and her eyes met the eyes of Ben Solo. They were the eyes Rey had seen glimpses of from time to time, but she had never gazed at them for so long before. They were deep, forgiving eyes. They were warm.

She ran out of the room. She didn't care where she went to. She didn't care that Ben had pulled himself up and was standing behind her as she ran away from him.

She needed to get away from him, she needed to get away from what she had done.

And at the same, all around her, she felt the balance. She felt the long forgotten peace that the universe had so yearned for.

But the balance wouldn't extract the pain from her soul.

 

 


	11. Lay us Down

_"Whether near or far  
_

_I am always yours  
_

_Any change in time  
_

_We are young again."_

 

And then there were two.

Rey and Ben Solo, Grey Jedi. Guardians of the balance. 

Every day since their last parting, Ben had reached out to Rey through the force. Rey had heard him every time, and every time she looked away.

She couldn't bear to see him, not for a long time.

 

_"In these coming years  
_

_Many things will change  
_

_But the way I feel  
_

_Will remain the same."_

 

 

And then, Rey had felt something. A ripple through the force, and she remembered the teachings.

_"There is no good without evil."_

 

During her training, as her strength had risen, as she had resurrected Ben Solo as a Grey Jedi something had been growing.

Something in the bowels of the galaxy.

Something to match them, something that would once again challenge the balance of the force.

 

She knew that she would not be able to face it alone.

 

But for now, she had to sleep. 

 

It felt as if she had gone a very, very long time without it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song List:  
> 1\. Hallelujah - Panic! at the Disco  
> 2\. Golden Days - Panic! at the Disco  
> 3\. Shots - Imagine Dragons  
> 4\. Warriors - Imagine Dragons  
> 5\. Whatever it Takes - Imagine Dragons  
> 6\. This is Gospel - Panic! at the Disco  
> 7\. House of Memories - Panic! at the Disco  
> 8\. Nothing Left to Say/Rocks - Imagine Dragons  
> 9\. Hopeless Opus - Imagine Dragons  
> 10\. Demons - Imagine Dragons  
> 11\. The End of All Things - Panic! at the Disco
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the fic, the song and poetry references and my attempt at writing.
> 
> There will probably be another follow up, I planned this fanfiction as a trilogy in true Star Wars fashion.
> 
> Thanks again!


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